Vanity Unfair

The old lady bikini pageant is on, bitches!

For all of you who didn’t get the memo, middle-age chicks are supposed to upload photos of themselves bikini-clad in their bathrooms.

Something is wrong with my camera.  My tits are not that small!

Brave starlet Demi Moore went first followed by Soap Opera queen Lisa Rinna.  I’ve tossed my picture in the mix.

I had to use a sepia tint because the steam on the bathroom mirror gave my skin the fetching look of leprosy.  I also added a seascape since toilets are gross and subbed a starfish for my camera because taking a picture of yourself in the mirror is so freaking LAME.

So, it’s your turn.  Email me your photos at writechic@gmail.com in your swimwear in your johns.  Dudes are also invited.

Remember this is a contest.  High marks given for visible stretch marks, arm flab, beer guts, and thunder thighs.

Thanks, 0whole1!  I was feeling lonely up there. 🙂

Round of applause for the Grumpy Lion! Woo-hoo!

You know you want this, bitches!

Hysterical Raisins represents!

Agent 9999 and her assassins of absurdity.

Shanks in Georgia steps up:

We are all exhibitionists now. 🙂


50 thoughts on “Old Lady Bikini Contest

  1. If I had the(here’s a blast from the past:)SHANKS for it I would send you a pic.Check your email anyways.I still might

  2. Well, I see you came up with a recent photo of me. How’d you do it? Is one of your minions spying on me? Now I suppose there will be women crawling all over the estate, trying to get into the grounds just to get their hands on me. The security guys are going to have their hands full keeping me safe. Now I’ve gotta pay overtime, dammit!

    P.S. Please send an 8 x 10 suitable for framing. Tnx.


  3. I totally dig a rack that can bee seen from the back(without the assistance of a mirror or hidden camera.)
    Yeah,peripheral boobage rules(of course the sensitive side of me still says-anything more than a mouthful is too much-still like em in Bs and Cs.)
    I guess it is a preference thing.

  4. Well, well, well…what a HOT, er, amusing thread I have stumbled upon…wondering aloud if anyone blushed like I did?

    Have a great week, Melissa…

    …now, let me quietly tip toe out before a sense of vanity clouds my better judgement. Low-whistle…

  5. If it wasn’t for that whole being related thing,I would find you rather attractive…but then again I been in Georgia for a while now and I think you are very attractive-but then I take into consideration that all bs aside I can only say:
    we are cursed-it runs in the family.
    All that and brains too!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s