Vanity Unfair
The old lady bikini pageant is on, bitches!
For all of you who didn’t get the memo, middle-age chicks are supposed to upload photos of themselves bikini-clad in their bathrooms.
Something is wrong with my camera. My tits are not that small!
Brave starlet Demi Moore went first followed by Soap Opera queen Lisa Rinna. I’ve tossed my picture in the mix.
I had to use a sepia tint because the steam on the bathroom mirror gave my skin the fetching look of leprosy. I also added a seascape since toilets are gross and subbed a starfish for my camera because taking a picture of yourself in the mirror is so freaking LAME.
So, it’s your turn. Email me your photos at writechic@gmail.com in your swimwear in your johns. Dudes are also invited.
Remember this is a contest. High marks given for visible stretch marks, arm flab, beer guts, and thunder thighs.
Thanks, 0whole1! I was feeling lonely up there. 🙂
Round of applause for the Grumpy Lion! Woo-hoo!
You know you want this, bitches!
Hysterical Raisins represents!
Agent 9999 and her assassins of absurdity.
Shanks in Georgia steps up:
We are all exhibitionists now. 🙂
WriteChic Press 
Very amusing.
Meh. It’s a lazy Saturday. So where’s your photo? 😉
M + starfish == Hungry Eyes.
And no, you ain’t gonna get a picture of me.
That’s the strain of sucking in my gut while trying to keep the flab steady. 😀
I took liberties with your avatar
What the heck are those things attached to the sides of my legs, water wings? It looks like I’m made entirely outta veiny legos.
That’s where you store your thongs…duh. 🙂
I’m gonna need your avatar in a bikini, Nonnie….with the gun. 😀
i didn’t have my gun with me at the time, but here’s a pic of me in a bikini. let the fantasies begin!
Baby got back! Damn girl. 😆
Jesus Louise-us.
Ha! I dug up your freelz cheesecake shot off teh internets. 😆
😆 amazing what a different camera angle can do. does that thong make my ass look big?
In a good way…but my holy heck, your rack! Geezum, Nonnie. I may have rack envy for the first time in life. 😆
Not gonna happen! Not never!
Oh. It’s on.
Nope. Ripped the batteries out of all my cameras. Oops! Dropped my new cellphone and the camera broke. Oh well.
It’s okay. I helped. 😈
ROTFLMAO!!! Thanks I needed that.
Your smiles make me smile. Bonus. 😀
Thank you for not including that pic of Borat.
If I send you a pic, I won’t include my face. Does that count?
Send it! Send it! 🙂 Otherwise I might have to put your avatar head on Borat’s body. 😈
If I had the(here’s a blast from the past:)SHANKS for it I would send you a pic.Check your email anyways.I still might
I’ll be on the lookout. 😀
best I can do-you aint gettin’ the one of me in my shorts…yet.
You’re up! 😀
damn-I guess I should have used something other than my phone.
No worries. It’s perfect.
Now, I’m waiting on Ian. 🙂
I’m sure he doesn’t want to see his head on this:
Well, I see you came up with a recent photo of me. How’d you do it? Is one of your minions spying on me? Now I suppose there will be women crawling all over the estate, trying to get into the grounds just to get their hands on me. The security guys are going to have their hands full keeping me safe. Now I’ve gotta pay overtime, dammit!
P.S. Please send an 8 x 10 suitable for framing. Tnx.
😆
Seriously. I doubt a mere 8 x 10 could contain the hotness. 😀
i already licked my monitor.
😆
Me too.
…
Well, it rhymes.
…
I’m-a go now.
Can we sexy up a page or what? 😆
i want you to know that my reputation has been shattered. here i am, trying to be a credible journalistic voice on the left, and all anyone can think of now is my shiny butt.
I’m sorry what? i’m still staring at your butt. 😆
And what a nice shiny butt it is.
You gotta give props to the rack, too. i mean she’s got her backside to us, and her rack is peeking out on both sides.
at least have enough respect to use the scientific term for it–peripheral boobage.
I know. I totally need sensitivity training. 😀
I totally dig a rack that can bee seen from the back(without the assistance of a mirror or hidden camera.)
Yeah,peripheral boobage rules(of course the sensitive side of me still says-anything more than a mouthful is too much-still like em in Bs and Cs.)
I guess it is a preference thing.
Vanity, thy name is …uh, I forget. Didn’t realize I stumbled onto Hotchickpress?!?
I repent…PSYCH! 😀
Well, well, well…what a HOT, er, amusing thread I have stumbled upon…wondering aloud if anyone blushed like I did?
Have a great week, Melissa…
…now, let me quietly tip toe out before a sense of vanity clouds my better judgement. Low-whistle…
What? No submission? Maybe I should pull up Senator Scott Brown’s treasure trail pic. 😀
Writechic, you definitely have the write stuff! Even outclassing Demi Moore! Cool!
The main thing, Ken, is I’m skinnier than those bitches and I’ve been pregnant more times than both of them put together. I’m basically awesome. 😀
Totally agree! 😉
I know. 😆
If it wasn’t for that whole being related thing,I would find you rather attractive…but then again I been in Georgia for a while now and I think you are very attractive-but then I take into consideration that all bs aside I can only say:
we are cursed-it runs in the family.
All that and brains too!
If we were still kids, I’d beat you up for the compliments. 😀