Blood-sucking ticks of economic pain and death (a.k.a. banks) will no longer cover your insufficient funds, you damn jobless, lazy and pernicious American hobos.
It’s for your own good! You can’t afford $40 for a cup of coffee when your ass is broke!
Now, your bank should have been all over you like bed bugs on your Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirt and Victoria’s Secret panties…
(…which you also can’t afford!!)
The death ticks want you to “opt-in” to overdraft protection so you can continue to enjoy your $40 cup of coffee while they can continue to live fat and happy on your unemployment checks.
However, a particularly virulent species of bank varminty parasite…
(which was genetically-engineered by Dick Cheney while visiting the anus of Satan)
…Wells Fargo really, really, really wants the pleasure of continued access to ALL of your orifices with their very special Ayn Randy-Let’s-Really-Fuck-These-Hobos-Over program. Even though a judge recently told them…
AW, HELLZ NO!!!!
Said program processes your draft and debit transactions largest to smallest. This way, when you…
budgeting to the penny because your ass is broke….
…forget about that piddly $5.00 service charge, Wells Fargo processes your largest transactions first, removing the biggest chunk of money, then charges you insufficient fund fees on the numerous pissant transactions at Krystal’s, Starbucks, and the 7-11 when you’re overdrawn.
$$$ CHA-CHING! $$$ God, they love your money!
Judge William Aslup (really unfortunate last name) ordered 203 MILLION dollars returned to consumers who suffered under these shyster practices. But since Wells Fargo has all the money in the world…
…and your $40 cups of coffee helped,
Wells Fargo will fight to the death to keep fucking you over, you slobs of sloth!
WriteChic Press 
used to work for a bank, common practice for yrs.
Also common banking practices: leveling the American economy by destroying the housing market, fake AAA securities, credit derivatives, gorging on taxpayer money via bailouts, faking the books by hiding losses.
what’s really disgusting is that the rich people who can afford the ridiculous fees never have to pay them. it’s the poor schlub trying to put food on his family who suffers the most, and it’s all to make sure the banks’ ceos take home their millions in bonuses. fuck ’em (and then charge them a huge service fee).
And I just read they are stalling on foreclosures, trying to get taxpayers (via Congress with another bailout) to pick up the bill for the failed loans rather than renegotiating loans.
They actually have the opportunity to do something good for the economy as a whole and they are kicking back and waiting for taxpayer funded welfare.
P.S. I think “trying to put food on your family” is my favorite Bushism. 🙂
i think that’s my favorite, too, especially because i remember how he said it. it showed exactly how slowly his mind works. he honestly couldn’t think of how to phrase it better. of course, ob/gyns making love with their patients is right up there, too (no pun intended).
Having had to collect Bush sound bites, I can tell you it was rare to find a single sentence delivered properly.
Peeance. Freeance. 😆
Great post, Melissa!
A very sad truth is the reality that he who controls the money controls everything. Wouldn’t be so fair if they were fair about it though. Have a good week.
Thanks Al! You have a great week, too. 🙂
All my contempt for Mondays went into that post
Vote and not for the treasonous evil lying traitorous greedy hypocritical murderous bloodsucking thieving powerhungry monkey bush lord cheng world dictators…..
Hi, James. 😀
I’ve seen a monkey bush lord. Not pretty.
My son was late on a car payment. I’m not a co-signer on his Wells Fargo Car loan and my address is not on the loan as his residence. Wells Fargo hired a collection agency. An agent came to my house and, while I was gone, left a note saying to tell my son to pay his loan and to please contact them. I went to my Wells Fargo branch and complained. They apologies, but when I continued to complain the guy got snotty and said that if my son had not been late, they would not have had to go to those lengths. I was so pissed. I got this t-shirt made that had a devil on it that said, “Even I don’t take bankers”. I took it in and gave it to the guy! Wells Fargo sucks. Not the tellers, their bank. Anyone else been treated this way? That hereticstuff site has has a bunch of screw banks shirts.
Hi, Robert, 🙂
Wells Fargo is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to scum sucking bankers. Every month for the last six months they have sent a notice to my mom that she’s late on a payment of a loan with grandmother’s estate. My mom has never been late. I’ve seen the statements. Every month my mom takes the evidence to Wells Fargo to show them how full of shit they are. This month they sent my mom a foreclosure notice. She’s never been late, never missed a payment…and this is what they’re doing….sucking my mom’s life away trying to fight bullshit. I told her to get a lawyer and sue for harassment.