China Get Your Text Freak On Already

Dirty Jokes Thumbs Up! Dirty Spam Porn Thumbs Down!

I guess 2010 is the Year of the Goose China here at WC Press.

Chinese authorities have frightened the bejesus out of citizens with the country’s crackdown on internet and mobile phone porn.  Fearing incarceration, people have apparently ceased all sexy talk via text messages and emails.

Okay.  Freelz.  How much would it suck to live under those conditions?

According to the state run media, the anti-porn law aims to uphold the revolutionary values of China, and more than 5,000 people have been arrested for dabbling in the cyber nasties.

The Beijing News reports two high-ranking justice officials want to reassure the public that sexy texts and emails between friends are A-Okay…

Why does the Jungle Book and Kaa’s Trust in Me come to mind?

If a friend feels offended (by a pornographic message), then it is possible there is an offence, but if this friend likes it and both exchange messages, then surely there does not have to be an offence,” said Hu Yunteng, an official in charge of research at the Supreme Court.  The Beijing News

China only mostly wants to target those that distribute spammed porn messages, duh.

So just make sure the recipient of your dirty thoughts likes it or it’s 5 to 10 days in the slammer.

♪♪ China, China you very nice place!  All other countries have inferior revolutionary values. ♪♪

Plan Your Spring Break in Panama City Beach, Florida!!!

Make your Reservations Now for March!

Hey, all you collegiate types in Ohio, Michigan, Canada, Kentucky, Tennessee, Indiana, Illinois, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas,  Andy’s Motel in Panama City Beach wants you all as our guests this Spring Break 2010.

Yes, even you hellions are welcome! Cough, cough, Ohio State.  :-)  Our manager is a fiery redhead, and she’s well-equipped to deal with your antics!

Andy’s Motel is located right on the beach.  Mtv’s playground, Club LaVela is a short walk down the shore line.  Jet Ski rentals, Dolphin tours, and  parasailing are also within walking distance.

The time to plan is now!  March is filling up fast.

Call our toll-free number 1-877-653-8999 or 1-850-230-8999!

You Must Have Sex for China! (您必須為中國性交!)

性感的時間在中國!

Get busy, China!

To keep production levels high, the head of population and family planning Zhang Feng in Guangdong, China wants more attention given to people’s sex lives.

Feng believes that many in the migrant worker population in his province are suffering from “severe sexual repression.” Lack of education and frustration are driving them to unsafe practices, if they’re getting any at all.

What!  Shrinking penises means shrinking production means shrinking world-wide worker dominance!

Feng notes a spike in STDs (性病) in his area.

Ew.

He suspects prostitutes have something to do with it.  Although severe sexual repression is not limited to males, 36% of married men are reported as suffering from the condition, and that’s not good for production:

Again this year, I am asking for the government to do the research. Migrant workers will develop less interest in work if they cannot satisfy their sex needs,” Zhang said.

I’m just hoping the PSA ads look better than this:

Guangdong migrant workers often come from poorer agricultural areas to make better pay in a factory.

Mean Imposter Jesus Tricks Idaho Believers in Haiti

This is exactly why these fuckers should stop listening to the Mean Jesus who says to hate gay people and Democrats and poor people who don’t want your religion and everybody else who isn’t a fundamentalist whack job.

What’s really funny is that Aljazeera was over-the-top nice in their reporting of this story…obviously completely convinced these people are morons.

God is the one who called us to come here, and we just really believed that this was His purpose,” said Carla Thompson, one of the group’s arrested members.  (Reuters)

So.  Mean Jesus tricked ten dumbasses into child trafficking charges.

The ten *Southern Baptist Convention devotees took it upon themselves to fly down to Haiti and save the earthquake orphans.  Who needs papers?  God is the 33 passports and additional paperwork required to transport children from Haiti to the Dominican Republic.

(*The SBC has already said, NOT OUR BAD.  This wasn’t a church sponsored thing.)

Reactions from alleged orphans are fairly alarming, “I”m not an orphan” said one.  And another begged officials to call her parents.

DID THEY EVEN HAVE AN INTERPRETER!  JESUS CHRIST!

Maybe not since SBCs are generally into that fancy communist France talk.

Another suspect from the Baptist group, Laura Silsby reassures:

The truth ultimately is that we came here to help the children, and we know that God will reveal truth.” (NPR)

And believe she’s talking about the Mean Jesus that tricked her dumb ass the first time.

FYI, Grand Poobah of Dumb, Laura Silsby, is also a bit of an e-celebrity in online business circles apparently.

Prints of Peace

Giving Church the finger…it’s A-Okay!!!

You know, I’m left to wonder what’s next?  1-800-Dial-a-Confession?

A Catholic priest in Poland will fingerprint students to monitor their mass attendance.  A local paper reports the reason behind the high tech roll taking is to lighten burden of counting young parishioners.

If students show up for 200 masses over a period of three years, the kids are off the hook for a written Confirmation exam.

Doing the math…that’s every Sunday plus about 50 more services.  That’s a lot of church!!!!

The students are all for it since it means one less test in their lives.  And the padre won’t have to physically give his signature hundreds and hundreds of times to confirmation-seeking students.

Ahhh, nothing like technology to inject a dose of the impersonal.

Poland is a devoutly Catholic nation where churches are frequently packed.

Can’t believe I got through this without one dirty priest remark.  Go me!

3 Year Old Explains Star Wars

I’m steeped in taxes! So, this is all I got. Taxes suck out all the cheer in the world. Cute kids put the happiness back in.

Dirty Pervs <3 Me

I'm a total perv magnet (and no, I don't mean you.)

I really get a kick out of what searches drive people to WriteChic Press, but sometimes it’s downright creepy.  Check it out:

1. www.whores in toledo  (Why?)
2. pee standing nude          (Okay.  Whatev.)
3. فيكتوريا سيكرت sex                 (Arabs love the nasty.)
4. haitian eating cat             (Ew.)
5. do ghosts leave poop?  (Scat! credulity.)
6. i want to punch the economy in the face            (I feel ya.)
7. boogers and dingleberries    (You’ve come to the right place.  My humor was stunted at age 6.)
8. camel toes de mexico     (Again, why?)
9. menstrual stain photos  (Freaks.)
10. treasure trail men pictures  (Thank you, Senator-Elect Scott Brown!)

Ha! Halliburton just appeared in my traffic log. Toldja the dirty pervs love me.

Teabagger Hero O’Keefe In For Long Life of Prison Sex?

James O’Keefe tried to play G. Gordon Liddy at Senator Landrieu’s office in broad daylight and all he got was bagged by the FBI.

Life is THIS good.

…even if it is a bit passé to call a Republican a filthy bugger.

Ha!

So, 4 conservatives don costumes (two in hard hats) and skulk around the office of Senator Mary Landrieu (D sorta-LA) until they decide it’s time to get the ball rolling on the most neato political crime of the the new millenium.   They take their places, and two work up the nerve to enter the federal building as telephone men to bug her phone (allegedly).  Stan Dai as dude in the car listening to tap, Joseph Basel as fake AT&T, James O’Keefe as concerned citizen, and Robert Flanagan also as fake AT&T (the son of the acting U.S. Attorney in Louisiana’s Western District…brilliant!).

What tags do you think were on their spiffy uniforms?  Their own names?

Then busted!

This is the same James O’Keefe who played Pimpy the Douche in the farcical and savagely edited video that got Acorn stripped of its funding.

And Pimpy actually looked like a middle class white man trying to look like a pimp.

The whole dressing up business, acting out in extravagant (albeit criminal) role play, men playing boys being bad smacks of what?  Olbermann said it.  The Village People, but evil.

Acorns new avenging motto? You may have the power to bruise our heels, but we will crush your frickin’ nuts…and fruits, but mostly nuts.

Ok…awesome poll time:

updated…and you can read the FBI tellin’ it here.  Thanks, Nonnie!

Nataline Sarkisyan Family Meets Former Cigna Exec

This is one of the videos I’ve watched while preparing to write a post on the possible reconciliation of the House and Senate bills on Health Care Reform. I’ve written and referenced Nataline Sarkisyan before. She died while waiting for a liver transplant 2 years ago at the age of 17. Cigna Insurance had denied coverage of the transplant that doctors said gave her chance at life. After much media attention and a pr nightmare for Cigna, the company approved the operation, but it was too late.  Nataline had taken a turn for the worse and died two hours after the go ahead.

It turns out that Wendell Potter, a former Cigna executive involved in the decision-making in the girl’s case, was so profoundly affected that he quit his job and became a health care reform advocate.

Get a tissue.

Andre Bauer’s Eugenics Plan for South Carolina

"Starve 'em so they don't breed, see." --Andre Bauer

South Carolina gubernatorial candidate Andre Bauer says okay, he could have chosen his words more carefully when he compared poor people to animals.

Because he sounds a lot like a slaveowner talking about slaves?

So, what did the state’s current Lt. Governor say exactly?

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why?   Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.”

He is so going to hell.   Plus, he really does sound like a slaveowner with that “they don’t know any better” business.

(Do you know it’s true people actually can become infertile if starved.)

Bauer says he is standing by the principle of his comment because “South Carolina needs to have an honest conversation about the cycle of government dependency among its poorest residents.”

So, Bauer concludes because his depth of honesty compels him that starving people are much more likely to say, my poverty sucks.   Think I’ll go be a lawyer or a teacher and  jump on the fast track like the people on TV?   And when I come home from my middle class job,  I’ll sit down with my one kid and do homework with him so he can turn out like me.

His “honesty” says a lot about him and what he doesn’t know.  With South Carolina’s 12% unemployment rate and record number receiving government assistance, I hope the Lt. Governor finds a nice job at Focus on the Family or the 700 Club where his brand of Christianity will be appreciated.