Osama and his Virgins
Osama bin Dead surrounded by his virgin goats

President Obama set his Musliminess aside to command special operation forces to bust out a can o’jihad on Osama bin Laden in his suburban Pakistan mansion.

Fox News reports: Obama bin Laden Dead.  And a Fox News anchor really says, “President Obama is dead.”  You stay klassy, Fox.

Donald Trump is super pissed that Obama preempted Celebrity Apprentice to announce to the nation the leader of Al Qaeda had been killed.  Says Trump,

He did that on purpose, and it’s completely inappropriate.”

Being tight with demonic types, Mike Huckabee personally welcomed Osama to Hell and bestowed 100 reclaimed virginity goats (the Huckster’s sloppy seconds) on the grand poobah of terrorism.

And Obama had Osama buried at sea to drive birther nuts apeshit with questions about a long form death certificates.

Hahahahahahahahaa! Dude unwittingly tweets Osama raid.


35 thoughts on “World Exclusive: Bin Laden in Hell with Virgin Goats

  1. Okay, I’ve come down on others, now I gotta come down on YOU.
    DON’T PICK ON GOATS! My best friend is a goat, and you are casting grave aspersions onto Blackjack, his goat family, and all goat kind by lumping them in with the GOP and especially Trump. If you do not cease and desist immediately, Blackjack and I will have to pursue legal action! 😉
    Can you believe that the BBC, venerable and honourable institution that it is, actually had to mention this morning that there were questions of “where’s the body”? Fox News, sure, I can believe that with no problem. But the Beeb? Sheesh. And CNN had a doozy this morning. Fans started hearing about Bin Laden’s death during the Mets-Phillies baseball game. According to the CNN Sports guy, the game was poignant, not just because it was NY vs. Pennsylvania, two states attacked during 9/11, but that the fans found out in the 9th inning with the score tied 1-1, and that’s the 9/11 context. Get it? Like my wife said, they’re gonna need a chiropractor after THAT kind of a stretch! 😀
    Now I’m waiting to hear Trump claim he pushed Obama into finding Bin Laden – I’m not sure how, but I’m sure he’ll find a way.

    • There is a wonderful cartoon, from the Simpsons, I think, that shows a suicide bomber being escorted into heaven, to find 72 male nerds with Spock ears all playing Dungeons and Dragons. All depends on your definition of virgin……. 😀

    • 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    • Now remember your sentence structure, Nonnie. Virgin wool means the WOOL has never had sex. The goat the wooi is on may be randy as all get out – it’s just the WOOL that has to be a 35 year old guy, living in his parent’s basement, playing Dungeons and Dragons while wearing Spock ears. (Hey, gotta get some mileage out of that one! 😉 )

  2. Love that Blingee! Brought to mind one of the best silly Karnac bits when the question from McMahon says “What does an Iranian man do when his wife denies him sex at night?” And Karnac hold the envelope to his head, rips off the end and blows on it, pulls out the answer: goats-by-day (the then prez under Khomeni). Sophisticated humor for Carson. And I just realized I got the order of the joke bass-acwards…..

  3. Call me a conspiracy theorist but a few points just make me wonder:
    1-soldier puts 2 bullets into bin ladens head-no footage,pics or identification of said soldier.If I was Pres.I would want to pin a medal or two on this guy!
    2-born in the desert,raised in the desert,lived,fought,hid and died in the desert…buried at sea?(man,talk about things that make you go”Hmmmmmmmmmmm…..”)
    3-Was there not a bounty or 10 on bin ladens head?
    DEAD OR ALIVE?Who do they give the money to?
    4-When they fished sodom hussein out of his hole,did he not come to America before being returned to his country to be hanged?LOTS of footage and info on that one.
    5-I just don’t think our military is that inept that it took 9 years+ to get this guy.

    just a few points that I am having trouble with.
    flame away!!!

    • Jason – Hey,no flames, buddy, don’t worry. A couple of points I CAN address, however.
      1. Pics of the soldier/soldiers who killed OBL? These guys are a SUPER secret unit. No names, no faces. They want to keep them anonymous for future actions – the best they’ll get is a unit commendation presented to an officer a few levels up, and the individual awards will be VERY private.
      2. Buried at sea – no physical site for people to try to build shrines or gather in remembrance. Cuts down on “cult of personality” nonsense.
      3. Bounties? There sure was at least one from the US. Who gets ’em? Can’t answer that, but I think the entire team, including helo pilots, should split it for their retirement! (Personal opinion on that.
      4. No pictures? Heck of a good question! “The photos are too gory for the public” one Administration rep said. Too gory for the same people who watch the “Saw” movies?!?
      5. Our military inept? Well, I won’t say anything definitive, but the compound OBL was in sat 1 kilometre from THE Pakistani Military Academy, was EIGHT times the size of surrounding houses, in an upper middle class suburb full of retired military folk, where they burned their garbage instead of having it picked up like everybody else. THERE is your thing to make you go HMMMM! 😉
      Good stuff, Jason!

    • Aw, c’mon pal, not with the bloody conspiracy theories! I’ve been reading WAY too much of that silly stuff! Don’t make me tell Blackjack you’ve been annoying me – he’s been kinda pissy lately! 😀

  4. I don’t buy it.I just think it feels wrong.the whole thing sounds like a diversionary tactic.As much as the gov.and big banks have fu@#ed up the economy-no reps-no dems-big gov and big banks- they say he is dead,we dumped his body in the ocean we aint lettin the photos out and because we said so?
    Gov works for the people.people don’t work for the gov.people scream loud enough…
    try salt petre for Blackjack.Put it in his coffee.Sounds like a urinary tract infection,or irritable bowel syndrome.either way,if the salt petre don’t mellow him out the caffine in the coffee should keep him busy a while.

    • Blackjack doesn’t like coffee. He far prefers my fingers. Or my shoes. Typical goat! I think he’s most upset ’cause his owners have him fenced off from the girl goats. Spring, when a young goat’s mind turns to thoughts of ….. 😀
      I do think the Admin is making a mistake not releasing the photos of OBL’s corpse. Too gory? Like Jon Stewart said, when everything in what we call “prime time” is all about gruesomely mutilated corpses? I think some stills of the body, and some film of the burial would end a lot of the questions. More released info would be better – but unfortunately, the info will come out in dribs and drabs. I have read some stuff in military and DOD feeds that give a little more info, but that’ll take a while to hit the general news sources. It’s a little frustrating with the military sources I can tap – I can imagine how confusing it looks to the general public!
      If you want, Jason, I can hook you up with some DOD and Army/Navy info links. Mind you, it comes out AFTER censorship, so take it with a grain of salt. Not perfect, but the best I can get, short of joining the military (like they’d want an out-of-shape guy with chronic migraines banging up against 50)!

    • Oops! Forget to mention, Jason. I wasn’t ignoring you, honest! One of my Email servers crashed a couple days ago, and the guy got it fixed this morning. Over 180 Emails, most of ’em my military news sources at an average of 200K+ per. Ooof!! Took me a while to get through. Sorry for the delay!

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