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Wikileak's Julian Assange/Photo Courtesy: TSA

Boooooo.  I’m sick. Cough, hack, blehhhh.

A lot of the Wikileak stuff left me all…whatever.  Like it’s not common knowledge that Americans have a streak of asshole.  It’s been more fun reading reactions than reading documents.  Liberals are all…Wikileaks, you are in so much trouble; DOJ could be looking into this.

Pfft. When did DOJ stop being a joke?  Did I miss it?

Conservatives are all, hunt down Julian Assange like he’s al-Qaeda.

(STFU, half-governor.  You quit your job as executive of a state, remember?  You have no relevance on this.)

If people don’t like an open and free society, they are welcome to emigrate to Sudan or North Korea.

I like having access to information.  As a citizen, I need to be informed.  I want to know the sort of threat Iran poses.  Politicians are not believable.  So, my suspicions are confirmed.  Even the strongest and most conservative Middle-Eastern nations are intimidated by Iran.  And it was my country that empowered Iran by destabilizing Iraq.

Awesome.

I was genuinely shocked the U.S. has been bombing Yemen while the Yemeni government takes the credit/blame.

Credit as we killed terrorists.

Blame as a third of the bombing victims were children.

China hacked Google.  Middle Asia and Russia are wildly corrupt.

Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z

This was juicy.  The U.S. bullied Germany into not enforcing its own laws.

Hey, we didn’t obey ours…why does Germany get to be all uppety and special about torture.

The British think Americans are dumb and fat.

Yeah, well, yall are ugly, and you have icky teeth.

The King of Saudi Arabia suggested America plant electronic tracking chips in Guantanamo Bay prisoners before they are released.

The whole thing reminds me of that really scary part of the Bible that says,

All your shit is coming out, bitches.  Judgment day is the depantsing of your sorry ass souls.”  –Revelations ch. Fuck if I know; verse. Look it up yourself, lazy ass.

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37 thoughts on “Wikileaks for People Who Don’t Have Time to Read 250,000+ Documents

  1. I don’t think that was Revelations; I think it was Neuromancer, or one of them other Gibson cyberpunk joints. You know, the ones where people hire reporters directly, and the newsies have to have their own security forces.

    Sorta like Max Headroom, but without the smiles. Or the dude that did the pink panther voice.

    • I’m savoring the irony of the government taking porny xrays (which in at least one case was released for God and everybody) and then crying like a bunch of ninnies when their shit is exposed. 😉

  2. Thou hast done well, Grasshopper, in thy leaking of balance and reality as thou regardest Wikileaks. Your reward shall be a Holier Than Thou Bible with all the scary parts underlined and Blingeed. And also a free operation to remove thy tracking chip that wast implanted at your birth.

    Yay verily!

      • He’s taking on Bank of America in January. They won’t bother with charges and arrests. They’ll just hire someone to shoot him. KGB… pfffft.

        Can you imagine how much pressure is being put on Sweden to pursue the sex charges, which they already dropped at least once.

      • I’m sure there are 500 CIA agents read to testify they have been assaulted by Assange…

        I don’t know what to make of this… I’d like to say he’s the man of the decade but you can’t say that about a guy charged for rape… Even if it could be baloney…

        I hope we’ll find out what really happened.

        • I just reread about the CIA accidentally kidnapping El-Masri then dumping him Albania when they realized he wasn’t a terrorist. Nobody is clean, but the timing of rape charges seem awfully convenient.

          From the Guardian:

          “According to accounts the women gave to the police and friends, they each had consensual sexual encounters with Mr. Assange that became nonconsensual. One woman said that Mr. Assange had ignored her appeals to stop after a condom broke. The other woman said that she and Mr. Assange had begun a sexual encounter using a condom, but that Mr. Assange did not comply with her appeals to stop when it was no longer in use. Mr. Assange has questioned the veracity of those accounts.”

          What’s really weird is that Interpol uses Red Notices for terrorism, genocide, and war crimes. A qualified sexual assault crime presents a little disparity.

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