Republicans have rolled out a brand-new, never-before-even-ever-thought-of, metric shit ton of ideas for saving the world a.k.a. America.
House Minority leader John’s Boehner of Ohio took to the mike today to announce that he’s never used a tanning bed or tan-in-a-can or fake-and-bake.
Freelz. That stuff hasn’t even been invented yet in Ohio.
And along with that load of crap, Boehner unveiled this beautiful rainbow of totally genius, unthought of shit:
Smaller government so that even fewer government workers can watch out for gas pipes that might fucking explode in neighborhoods and kill people, oil rigs that explode and kill people, levees that break and kill people, and bridges that collapse and kill people.
Permanently extend all the Bush tax cuts especially on the wealthy Americans, so America has no money to pay for all of its shit, and poor folks can all die.
Cancel all unspent stimulus money on infrastructure and shit so the economy stops being stimulated and America shrivels up, fails to get an erection, and dies.
Repeal the Obama health care bill so the sick can rightfully die as ordained by Republican Jesus.
Block Obama’s plan to close Guantanamo Bay so the rest of the world will remember we rocked the torture and crazies will try to kill us so that we die.
Ask all citizens of our nation — men and women of good will and good heart — who are scheduled to die under the Republican plan, hurry up and do it so that there will be more shit for the survivors.