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BP's Tony Haytard
He’d rather be in the South of France than hanging out with you, Redneck Fucks!

There’s no one who wants this over more than I do.   I would like my life back.”  Tony Hayward, BP CEO

So, would the 11 people who died when the oil platform exploded, you sociopathic fuck!

Here are the names of the dead:  Adam Weise, Jason Anderson, Aaron Dale Burkeen, Karl Kleppinger Jr., Shane Roshto, Dewey Revette, Gordon Lewis Jones, Donald Clark, Stephen Curtis, Roy Kemp, and Blair Manuel.

(Surviving relatives are dismayed by how little attention has been devoted to the lives lost.)

Think Progress chronicles Tony’s Trail of Douchebaggery:

What the hell did we do to deserve this?” [New York Times, 4/30/10]

“The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.” [Guardian, 5/14/10]

“I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest.” [Sky News, 5/18/10]

Then there’s:

Hey, BP shareholders!  CEO Tony Hayward wants his life back.  Fire his ass!

Then he can take his June vacation at his villa in the South of France and not be troubled by a coast full of devastated and indignant American rednecks.

To Tony Hayward from the whole Gulf Coast
……………………./´¯/)
………………….,/¯..//
…………………/…./ /
…………./´¯/’…’/´¯¯`•¸
………./’/…/…./……./¨¯\
……..(‘(…´(..´……,~/’…’)
………\……………..\/…./
……….”…\………. _.•´
…………\…………..(
…………..\………….\

h/t newteacherwithtime for this lovely comment at the Huffington Post

VERY IMPORTANT EARTH-SHATTERING UPDATE (June 2, 2010):  Tony Haytard now knows he’s a douche!  Thank God (Hades) the PR Department has informed him of his douchiness!

I made a hurtful and thoughtless comment on Sunday when I said that “I wanted my life back.”  When I read that recently, I was appalled.  I apologize, especially to the families of the 11 men who lost their lives in this tragic accident. Those words don’t represent how I feel about this tragedy, and certainly don’t represent the hearts of the people of BP – many of whom live and work in the Gulf – who are doing everything they can to make things right.”

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29 thoughts on “Give Tony “the douchebag” Hayward His Life Back!!!

  1. The Queen is volcanic, the Queen is raging, the Queen is pouring hot lava down the throat of The Haytard while simultaneously delivering a swift kick to The Haytard’s tiny balls!

    I am awed!

    Of course in the old days The Haytard would have been sacrificed in the volcano of oil he has unleashed in the Gulf. For real. The arrogant little cocksucker should be drowned in that crap.

    • It’s not enough, Ric! And Holder just announced a criminal probe…I’ve got as much faith in DoJ as I do in BP. 😦

  2. Let this limey runt find his pecker infested with the kind of crabs that are much harder to kill. Let his tiny ball bag be laced with a raging case of herpes. Let his lungs fill with oil dispersing poison so his nose and throat bleed, then let some coon ass doctor diagnose the Gulf bugger with food poisoning.

  3. put this lying fuck in a room with the families of the 11 men he murdered, and let him tell them how he’d like his life back. yeah, he’s the real victim. what a tone-deaf asshole.

    • There you go! Poor, poor Tony. How the fuck does he not know that launching a pity party for himself helps nothing and no one?

  4. May I suggest that when this pipe is cut all the way thru and before the new cap is put on, that the wanker is put in the pipe and THEN put the cap on. Then when they suck the oil into the tanker, Tony can be with his beloved oil for eternity, albeit in little Tony oil balls. I really hate this bastard! But I’m sure you couldn’t tell that. =)

  5. There is still no mention of the NAME of the company man on the rig that caused all this crap. Nowhere! And now poor little Tony may have to slink off to the south of France with his 4 and a half millin pay diminished or even ended. Guess he’ll have to cut back.

    • Tony probably has a big, fat diamond-studded parachute. As for the ONE guy…I haven’t looked because it makes me too sad to think about.

  6. Hey Tony Hayward, you’re a wanker extraordinaire! Cruel, mean, heartless motherfucker billionaire! And now I hear your diamond cutter saw got stuck. Yeah, Tony your people at BP just ain’t worth a flipping fuck! I just know I’d like to run you over with a loaded BP fuel truck! Hey Tony! Hey Tony! Each time you open your mouth you show you’re a brainless asshole daily! May I suggest you go off quietly and do a little hari-kari! Things just get worse for you day by day, don’t they, Tony? Just remember you’re getting your just reward, you phony!

  7. Hi guys! Wow! And would you believe everybody tells me how quiet I am? But I know the pen is mightier than the pen and the mouth sometimes as well. I love blues music and I like to write rhymes imagining I’m one of those great African-American bluesmen-not a pro-but one setting on his porch with a beat-up acoustic guitar and his cat near him purring away. I imagine this is an angry fisherman hearing more Gulf is in the fishing ban.

  8. Looks like little Tony’s public relations people gave him a spanking, reported by TPM.

    Yup, sincerity just gushes from every pore in his body, just like the oil in the Gulf. I’m so impressed.

    Where’s my goddam baseball bat?!

    • Can I watch? 😈

      I’ve had a PR company out of Connecticut lingering on my site like a case of herpes for the last 3 days.

        • How about an STD cocktail? (cringing on the syph, never recovered from late stage photos seen in college…incidentally-there’s nasty ginormous road sign next town over that says, “WE’RE NUMBER ONE IN SYPHILLIS!” I try not to drive by there.)

          I’m too princessy for bats. I’ll bring a tazer. 50K volts of you-really-fucking-suck.

    • Your invention made me think of this, Ric:

      Though I been tole, Eli Whitney stole the cotton gin invention from a slave.

  9. Hi guys! Wow! And would you believe everybody tells me how quiet I am? Yeah, I know, axe murderers can be too. But I know the pen is mightier than the sword and the mouth sometimes as well. I love blues music and I like to write rhymes imagining I’m one of those great African-American bluesmen-not a pro-but one setting on his porch with a beat-up acoustic guitar and his cat near him purring away. I imagine this is an angry fisherman hearing more Gulf is in the fishing ban.

    • No way. 😀

      I believe you because I have to keep my tongue chained when I go out in public. Chances are I’ll say what I think, and that’s never good in these parts.

  10. Oops! Went to make corrections after hiting submit and printed twice. Sorry! I usually proofread, then submit. Old age is hitting me!

  11. I was wondering if Tony had seen your site, Writechic, then thought, well, if he has no heart, then he has no brain and hence no literacy either. Mom always says, When someone is talking about you, they say it makes your ears itch or burn. In Tony’s case his must be like the feet in the Tinactin ad!

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