h/t Nancy Feldman on FB
No editor is this stupid unless maybe it’s the Deseret News in Salt Lake City. But I confess I once got in trouble for a news tease involving the Gamecocks of South Carolina…and it was an accident! It was!
Prolly happens a lot, a lot, a lot.
It just sounds hazardous.
A Wal-Mart MOTY candidate if there ever was one.
Wrong in so many ways!!! Lactation and intoxication are NOT two conditions that should exist at once in the same woman. At least the writers didn’t say, Cop Snared by Booby Trap…or Tit for Tat in the Bluegrass State.
WriteChic Press 
‘Road Woes Dog Cocks’
I hope it wasn’t a case of road rash.
😦
Scootin’ down the road on the tummy would do it!
Unless he was… umm… excited at the time. But then we’d get into the relativity of stomach size compared to… oh never mind.
Nooo-o-o-o-o-o-o! Comments like that need to come with brain shampoo! I can’t stop seeing it. Bad lion. 😯
I never was any good at relativity. Sorry about that.
👿 😳
And the Tao Te Ching says duality is an illusion. Horse puckey. 😉
And The Lion says that Time doesn’t exist, is a mere construct of human imagination used to make abstruse formulas work. Relativity doesn’t really work, otherwise your ‘horse puckey’ could just as easily be ‘purse hockey’ and we would have scads of NHL players swishing around the ice rink hitting each other with purses. Wearing tutus. Pink ones.
(I shoulda stuck with the stomach relativity image. Except of course for your delicate sensitivities.)
[More vermouth, waitress, more vermouth. And some of those pretzel things. And tell those scientists to quiet down. A Black Hole is just a drink, not the end of Time. Sheesh!]
So, does that mean we’re like big wormy, string things that always exist? If that is the case, how do we hold the sticks at the purse hockey game and on which part of the wormy, string thing does the tutu go? And if you can mark before and after said tutu is donned, isn’t time still a feature of wormy string thing?
Now, see, you’re confusing String Theory with Slinky Theory. But in either case Time is an artificial construct, which in reality represents duration. There is no Time. As in 3:44 in the morning is really way to early to start drinking.
(Well, that’s what time your blog clock says you commented, and it certainly sounds like you were chasing the worm thing in the tequila bottle. I mean, really, wormy string things wearing tutus? Do we need an intervention?)
…too early…
I’m set to universal TIME. 😀
Which universe?
Mine.
Ah, the Queeniverse. Wonderful place, good write-ups in the travel section of the Universal Times. 🙂
See how you didn’t answer how we hold the hockey stick?
Duct tape, of course. 😀
Oh. That’s downright Southern of you…or Homeland Security of you via Tom Ridge.
All my house decorations are done in duct tape. It’s my patriotic duty, right? My next duct tape project will be Dick Cheney’s mouth. And Liz Cheney’s mouth. And hell, might as well tape Cheney’s wife too.
You know, we do have duct tape up here in the North. It’s an old tradition. A little duct tape in the right places in the Southern cannons at Gettysburg, and boom, those Southern cannonballs sailed right over Cemetery Ridge. Bet lyou didn’t know that. (I wonder if Cemetery was related to Tom?)
Ouchie, ouch, ooowww, ouchie. (Punishing myself for this comment.)
Ah *seent the DEE-splay uh Colonel Shaw anna 54th when Ah winta Boston a coupla years back. 😀
*Seent is my new favorite non-word. The boys are using it on me in an attempt to offend my grammatical sensibilities. It just makes me laugh
You mean after all this time they haven’t larnt not to mess with the Queen? Are you putting something in their food?
I’m guessing you saw Glory back when. I would never have pictured Matthew Broderick in that role, but he brought it off.
Pfft. No. And they laugh at me for only being able to do one pullup. And that I have to jump to do that one pullup. But that’s okay cuz after two weeks, I don’t have to jump as hard for that one pullup and I can hold it longer, too. I’ll show ’em.
You guess rightly. I did see Glory. It’s still one of my favorite movies, and Broderick surprised me. He did well.
Hell, just lower the bar and lift your feet off the floor. They’ll think you’re doing pullups. My cats fool me that way all the time.
reminds me of an ad i saw in the miami herald many years ago. a shelter for abused woman was having a garage sale, and they advertised that they would be selling stuff at “unbeatable prices.” unfortunate choice of words. then, there was the story about hotel security written by and expert named norman bates (i kid you not).
p.s. we all knew the truth would finally come out, and we’d learn that rethugs hate obama, because they’re jealous of the size of his package.
Gosh, Nonnie, we wouldn’t want beatable prices at a shelter. 😯
p.s. especially Jon “i have a really, really tiny name” Kyl.
off topic, neon vincent left this link over at the raisin, and i immediately thought that this is a story you must cover. blingee away!!
😯 I guess this was a dry shave?
a drive-by dry shave. not a close shave either, because she caused an accident. it could have been worse. if she was using hot wax, there might have been a fire, too.
I’ve gotta find that chick’s mugshot. Nuts!
it was on one of the news shows last night. lemme see if i can find it. here’s the lovely woman. her name is megan barnes.
Ouch! Ouch! Ooowwwww! Ouchie! Ouchie!
I have the shaving heifer in queue to be written and Cookie has beaten me! You’ve gotta see this woman. 😯
tit for tat = awesome 😉
😀 Woman Racks Up Assault Charge after DUI?
Is that girl talk?
😕
DUI Bust Gone Really Bad!
Hmmm. Beginning to sound like a men’s locker room. But funnier.
Completely off topic, but something you might find interesting. The Pomodoro Technique. (Stop laughing! I’m serious. Really. I am.)
http://patrickemclean.com/?p=1678
http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/
There’s a free pdf on the latter link that lays out the whole process.