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Horn low waist push-up hipster
Wow! Censored by Blingee!

Push-up pants for men.  Yes!

These babies are selling in Britain like hotdogs at a ballpark.  Debenhams department store has seen a 76% rise in online sales just this last week.

The Hom low waist push-up hipster enhances your man’s anatomy with super space-age support gently propping his package into that perfect “piece and scrote” staging that makes the ladies go wild.   Softly-seamed sides sustain this stylish master piece into a lift-and hold-arrangement that has staying power….lasts all day!

And all this with no compression!  A full frontal feast for the eyes!

The briefs sell for $28 bucks a pop.

You can buy those bad boys here.

Admit it.  They are kinda sexy.

(The Telegraph)

And yes, I’m dying to know the nicknames that all of you will come up with for these trunks! 😆

Update: Due to my being too racy for Blingee, I’m uploading the original picture.

Master Piece Theater, Mother Fuckers.

But freelz?  I’m too racy?  Blingee provided the “stick person effing ‘your mom'” graphic.  So, I’m a little bitter.

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34 thoughts on “Penis Pedestal Push-Up Pants

  1. Actually, in England that would be ‘hotdogs at a cricket park’.

    These would appear to be the male analog of the push-up bra. Horn pusher? Horny pusher? Cod Horns? Or just get all Shakespearean and call ’em codpieces.

    And no, I’m not buying ’em. After all, why create false expectations when the reality is so much better? 🙂 (Well, okay, it used to be. A guy can reminisce, can’t he?)

    • But I wanted to say hotdogs and ball in the same sentence.

      Horn Pusher is good. Horny Pusher is funny. It is kinda codpiecey, isn’t it.

      You can’t fool me. You probably already own a dozen in assorted rainbow colors. 🙂

      • Why would he need them? And why would you want to be faked out? These things remind of the oh-so-brave matadors who put wads of tissue down their skintight suits of light to impress the ladies while they’re torturing bulls. Enough with the fakery! It’s like a guy expecting to get his hands on a pair of firm D-cups in that push-up bra, and when he gets there he’s got a couple of droopy Bs or Cs. There oughta be a law, I tell ya! Outlaw all fakery… except that would cause the complete collapse of American civilization, possibly all Western civilization… come to think it, all civilization would end. All because of these stupid underpants. See what you’ve done, M?

  2. do they have underwires? oh, i hope so. why is it only women have to suffer to be beautiful? i hope they have to wear high heels soon, too. just tell them that stilettos will make their weewees look bigger, and they’ll all be crashing the manolo blahnik website.

    this reminds me of the old joke about the guy who goes to spring break (and stays at the wonderful andy’s motel on the beach!) and wants to impress all the ladies. his friend tells him to put a potato in his swim trunks. he does, but when he walks up and down the beach, all the girls are pointing and laughing at him. he meets his advice-giving friend and starts to yell at him for telling him to do something that caused him so much embarrassment. his friend calms him down and tells him that, next time, he should put the potato in the front.

    oh, and maybe they can call the new undies full frontal lewdity.

  3. Ok — I either need to step away from the crackpipe or check into a facility … I did not even realize you wrote about this already.
    ACK!

    Note to self: STOP DRINKING IN THE MORNINGS!!!

    Sorry WC!

    • If you’d sleep all day you could start drinking in the evening, thus solving the problem of destructive morning drinking.

      Or just set your clocks ahead twelve hours.

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