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Borowitz Report

Comedian Andy Borowitz is bringing the funnies on Twitter.   He’s summing up the latest sellouts ::hack, cough, Lieberman:: to Health Care Reform under #CompromiseCare.  Take a look:

  • Under CompromiseCare, you’ll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
  • Under CompromiseCare, you’ll save on dental as your teeth fall out.
  • Under CompromiseCare, you get to choose your own doctor whom you cannot afford to see.
  • Under CompromiseCare, states whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
  • Under CompromiseCare, a patient will be considered “pre-existing” if he or she already exists.
  • Under CompromiseCare, patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is “Lieberman.”
  • Under CompromiseCare, Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
  • Under CompromiseCare, people will be free to choose any emergency room they can get to before dying.
  • Under CompromiseCare, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.
  • Under CompromiseCare, you will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.

And I’ve added my own:

Under CompromiseCare patients will consider denial of benefits as “end of life counseling.”

The end.

Update: Ha!  I beat Borowitz to the post (I”m on universal time).  You can find all of his hard work that I stole plus more here.

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4 thoughts on “Tonight Andy Borowitz Works for Me (#CompromiseCare)

    • …from the fuckers that have been dicking you around all along.

      Awesome.

      (I’m so disgusted I can’t talk about it sensibly.)

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