Home

Dear Bitches,

I didn’t WANT to rent an industrial size winch, grease the door frame, and haul your lard asses out of the closet.  No, I actually felt sorry for you and your hustling sex with 140 characters on Twitter.

But enough is enough.  Every few days or so I open a peppy little email that reads, “So-and-So is now following you on Twitter.”   I click to return the favor, and blecchhh!!!   It’s a twitter porn whore offering a banal solicitation.

(Nothing fresh about you, sluts!  Nada.)

So.

Trixie, we know you have a big ass.  I used your picture for the story.  And it took 58 Blingee graphics just to cover your dirty parts, ya hooker!!!

Gerda, your account activity wouldn’t have been suspended if you’d had enough cognitive activity to use the name Trixie.

Andi, you’re totally a dude.

Rose Bud, your parents do know you’ve had sex because at the age of 47 you’re a great, great grandmother.

You all pretty much suck.

And I don’t mean that in an erotic way.

I mean to say your souls are vacuous, you trollops!

Sincerely, WriteChic

(who has not been laid by 140 characters!)

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “News Flash: Twitter Porn Whores All Fat Asses

  1. I just blew coffee out my nose, and it’s your fault, WriteChic! “Strumpet” is one of my favorite words — much underused in these times (yet apparently still needed). “…laid by 140 characters.) Too funny!

    • Oh, I missed one, O-fish.

      I shoulda said, “who hasn’t been laid by 140 characters like these strumpets!”

      It would have worked there. 🙂

      (Sorry about your sinuses, dude. That’s no place for coffee.)

  2. kinda gotta agree with Octafish over there … it really IS your fault, you hot slut. Hell, I was gonna solicit you too, but now I’m too scared to try 😉

    • Hi, Holland. I believe our model was located at the Strumpets Seeking Sex and Status Factory.

      As for the makeup, my guess is the Tammy Faye Baker School of Cosmetology. 😉

  3. Now we know who (might) wear the giant panties. It’s the real life character “Crystal” from Squidbillies! Didn’t Bill Clinton play the strumpet? Oh no, that would be the sexophone.

    • 😆 I had to look up the Squidbillies, but I think you may be onto something. And our girl, Trixie, up top would look a speck more appropriate in the Big Panties from “Big Panties Extinguish Fire” 😆

  4. As a lifetime cartoon afficiando, I was hesitant to check out that Cartoon Network offering, the tale of the struggle of north Georgia mud squids to survive in the modern secular world but realized it asks the question, yea the great question, is there anything more funny than being from the south? No, there isn’t!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s