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When President Barack Obama goes to Heaven and turns white, he’s going to be so HAPPY the Mormons took it upon themselves to baptize his mom in the name of their version of Jesus.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!  Can you make funnier stuff up???  Hellz no.

Wonkette and AmericaBlog have both posted the bona fide evidence that the Mormons have been dipping for dead folks on Obama’s family tree.

Yeah, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe only their baptisms take.  Freelz. Yours pretty much sucks.  But they’ll help ya out if you’re interested…or if you’re not.

They devote countless hours to having people in the afterlife be baptized by a living, breathing Mormony stand-in—-in the name of the For Real Jesus (who is super, pasty white).  Theirs.

Back in the 90’s a lot of Jewish people got all discombulated when they found that Mormons had been secretly baptizing victims of The Holocaust.  There was some agreement reached and a promise by the Mormons to knock it the fuck off.

Guess, they had to perform reverse baptisms for dead people?  Unbaptisms?

Rite on!

Lest you despair, a new study says the youth aren’t feeling organized religion.

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10 thoughts on “Mormon Jesus Better Than Yours

  1. Oh you give me such a good idea that would really get people up in arms. I may have to take an entire week of doing it.

    Sigh… I enjoy taking a big stick and hitting the taboo bee hives of our world.

    Good Post 😀

  2. The fellow giving the baptism looks like he would turn to the camera and hold up a box of Baggies.

    Man from Glad!

    (Did they have the Man from Glad in the States? It was a nauseatingly repetitious TV commercial when I was growing up.)

  3. Wait — if you get a Mormon baptism after your Bris but before your Holy Communion but around the same time of your Baptist ‘sprinkling’ — don’t they pretty much cancel each other out?

    • Definitely…unless you throw in a Pentecostal baptism by fire!

      (Tongue-waggers totally bring the funny!)

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